The world of apps is, quite frankly, a very convoluted place. And it’s bound to be. As of yesterday, AppBrain Stats reports that there is a precise total of 1,373,370 Android apps available in the market. That’s a hell of a lot. Many are very functional little creations that really do make life easier/better/more fun – think what life would be like without DropBox, for instance, Google Voice, or – heaven forbid!! – Angry Birds (in fact don’t think about that – it’s too painful). Most, however, serve a particular purpose that is useful to an extent, or a bit of a laugh for a while, but ultimately are a luxury that will eventually exceed their shelf-life and find themselves deleted from the user’s handset and banished indefinitely back to the cloud (Goggle Keep, for example, or anything to do with Jamie Oliver).
And then there’s the bottom of the pile. Those apps that are so ridiculous that it’s hard to believe that they were ever commissioned, let alone conceived, in the first place. They are almost too bad to even take the piss out of – but I’m going to have a go. So, without further ado, let’s take a look at 10 of the most ridiculous apps for android.
10 Of The Most Ridiculous Apps For Android
#1: Pimple Popper
Yep. This is real. On the screen you are presented with some nice juicy white heads, and the challenge seems to be to pop them. Indeed, it is a bit of a challenge. There isn’t even a tutorial for how you are supposed to go about this venture. You’re simply left to feel your way around the pus-filled app, and indeed it takes all the fun and gratification out of squeezing your own spots – some might say that this was the point, but hey, squeezing spots is one of the greatest pleasures in life (isn’t it?).
#2: Poop Log
Uh-huh. This little app let’s you track all of the important information about your daily bowel movements, including type, duration and amount. It’s actually surprisingly detailed. Using the Bristol Stool Scale the user is able to classify his or her shites based on 7 different categories of stools. Rumours are that the app will soon be compatible with Google Goggles so that you will simply be able to take a picture of your offload and Poop Log will do the hard filing work for you. True story.
#3: Vuvuzela World Cup Horn Plus
If you fancy irritating the hell out of your companions then why not download the vuvuzela app, and sound that droning B-flat in their ears day in, day out for the rest of their lives. Worth every penny of the £100 you will have to part with for such a pleasure – a most ridiculous price for a truly, truly ridiculous app. Brilliant.
#4: Screen Cleaner Penny
If you want an app that tidies up your smartphone, removes unused apps from your device, fixes little unseen bugs and erases any glitches, then don’t get this app. Get this app if you want either a bulldog, schnauzer or Labrador to lick your screen clean from the inside. It works!! Not one smear was left on mine.
#5: How Tall
At first glance this app might actually seem like a bit of fun – it has the unrivalled ability to measure a person’s height at a glance. Indeed, it can measure the height of anything. Pretty cool, huh? Yeah. How you do is by holding your 3-5 hundred odd quid Droid at head height of the person you want to measure, and then drop it on the floor. RawLaro Studio, the developer in question, recommends you place something soft like a cushion in the landing area. Thanks for that, RawLaro.
#6: Electric Shaver
Have you ever wanted your lock screen to look like an electric shaver, complete with an on/off switch, which, once flicked to ‘on’ makes the phone vibrate – just like an electric shaver would? Well, now you can.
#7: Pointless Game
“WARNING: This game is pointless.” That’s what it says in the app’s description, and it isn’t wrong. Put your finger on the screen. When you get bored, take it off, and see how many points you scored. That’s it.
#8: TapThat
Ever asked your parents where smartphones come from? Well, it’s all about the birds and the bees – and the TapThat app. You see, what happens is that when two consenting adult Androids fall in love, they download TapThat, and then, well, they do the monkey dance. 9 months later the mummy Droid gives birth to a brand new baby one, which then grows up into the big smartphones that we know and love today.
#9: Ghost Radar Classic
When there’s something strange in your neighbourhood – who you gonna call? Nobody – though you will need your phone. Ghost Radar Classicclaims that it can detect paranormal activity and locate ghosts through your phone. It can’t. (Though there are several million users worldwide that would probably disagree with me. (They’re wrong.))
#10: The Most Useless App Ever
It’s a button. Press it. Nothing Happens. Press it again!! Nothing. The end.
So there you go. Some of these are actually quite funny, though that does nothing to improve upon their ridiculousness. My favourite is number 10, which actually now comes with new useless features, such as a useless counter which lets you count how useless the app actually is. Google does in fact remove apps from the Play Store about once a quarter, so if you want to try out any of these, then best get on with it now, you might not get another chance.
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